Baby RJ's Story
This is heartbreaking for me to write but we would like to share our son's beautiful life with you.
Aura Lee and I were finally at a time in our lives when we felt ready to start a family of our own. We attempted to conceive for over a year but unfortunately we were unable to, and that's when doubt crept into our minds. We thought that we were never going to be able to have kids.
Then, one unfortunate and painful day for Aura Lee, became a blessing in disguise. She was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst which was the cause of her pain and the reason for the infertility. Once the cyst was removed, we were given the option to try to conceive again, so we tried, and voila we were pregnant. We were beyond happy.
As the weeks went by, Aura Lee's belly grew and we fell more and more in love with the little bundle of joy.
We would enjoy our trips to the doctor's office, so we could see our baby on ultrasound. We saw our baby grow from a little tiny sac to a little human being. We even got to see his face and would argue about who he looked like the most.
We were still on cloud nine when Aura Lee was dealt some life changing cards. She was offerred a residency position in Jackson, MS (at that time we were living in Albuquerque, NM where I was completing my residency). It was a difficult decision; move away from me and friends while pregnant or continue with her dream to be a practicing physician or stay in Albuquerque and wait another year for residency. We decided as a family that moving to Jackson, MS was best and that I would be there in one year with frequent visits in between.
Long distance relationships are difficult and even more difficult with a baby on the way, but we made the best of it. Lots of phone calls and face time. Aura Lee did a great job in transitioning to residency while pregnant.
I would vist at least once a month. I was always excited when I got there, especially to see how big she was getting and to feel our baby move. While I was there we worked relentlessly to get Baby RJ's room ready so it'd be perfect when we brought him home
On January 22nd, 2012 at around 5pm, Aura Lee's water broke. We were at the hospital by 7pm and at that time Aura Lee and Baby RJ were doing fine. As the night went on, Aura Lee became febrile, which the physicians diangosed chorioamnionitis and was started on IV fluids and antibiotics. Around 11pm, Baby RJ's heart rate became abnormal (decelerations, which the physicians thought were acclerations), so the staff attempted some maneuvers but there were no signifcant improvements. About 3 hours later, the labor worsens, and the physician calls an emergency cesarean section. Aura Lee and I were both scared at that time but knew what needed to be done, so off she went to surgery. I waited outside the OR anxiously, waiting for the staff to come and get me but they must've forgot about me because by the time I got in there, Baby RJ was already here.
It was love at first sight. He was and still is beautiful, but we knew there was something wrong when he didn't cry much once he was delivered. The phsyicians found that Aura Lee had a concealed partial posterior placental abruption on top of the previously diagnosed chorioamionionitis, which were the reasons for the emergent ceserean section. The physician told us that Baby RJ was breathing rapidly and his oxygen was low; and that he needed to go to the NICU where he would only be temporarily to be oxygenated. Aura Lee was only able to catch a glimpse of Baby RJ because she was still on the OR table finishing up her surgery and they had taken him to the NICU. Eventually Aura Lee was sent back to the L&D room where she needed to rest and heal for about 12 hours before she could see Baby RJ again.
While Aura Lee was recovering on the floor, I would go back and forth to the NICU to make sure Baby RJ was doing better. He had a oxygen hood on and the neonatologist told me his oxygen status was doing better and didn't need to be intubated, which was a good sign. Baby RJ had some abnormal labs and they thought they would improve as the day went on.
Aura Lee was finally allowed to visit our beautiful son and we were able to spend time with him as a family.
This was about the time we were given the worse news of our lives. Baby RJ was not getting better. His blood pressure was too low and needed medications to keep it up. His breathing became worse and needed to be intubated. His kidneys and liver were shutting down. And worst of all, he began to have seizures, so the neonatologist and neurologist thought he could have brain damage. We were devastated, we thought Baby RJ would only be in the NICU for a short time, now we didn't even know if he would make it through the next few days. At this point we felt helpless. All we could do was pray for things to get better. Our parents were very supportive but they were on the other side of the country and some half way around the world. My mother was able to make an emergency flight and to see Baby RJ alive. We were in the hospital for 72 hours but it felt like an eternity. During that time, Aura Lee was still recovering and we would go and check on Baby RJ for any improvements every few hours. I'm not even sure if I slept. We were total wrecks, physically and emotionally. We were told that we would be discharged and Baby RJ would stay in the NICU. I can remember that night like it was yesterday; a storm had just come through, it was cold, wet; very gloomy. Worst of all, it was so sad to be driving home with an empty baby car seat. We never thought throughout the pregnancy that we would be going home without our baby.
When we returned back to the hospital that next day, it was a Thursday, Baby RJ's health had worsen even more. All his organs were still failing and his seizures were happening more frequently; it seemed like every few minutes. We didn't know how to feel. Being in the medical field, I understood what every lab and imaging study result meant, and I knew in my gut that his prognosis was not looking good. Sometimes I wonder if we weren't in the medical field, and not knowing how grave his condition was, would our faith and hopes of a miracle have been different. I tried to stay strong for Aura Lee and myself but the feeling of helplessness and being unable to fix our baby started to take its toll on us. We even tried a radical surgery to try to save Baby RJ's kidneys with hopes that it might improve some of his abnormal labs and give his heart and brain a chance to recover. That only bought us some time, precious time to be with him, but our biggest worry was how bad was his brain damage. It wasn't long before that, that the neonatologist and the neurologist got our hopes up high and said that a newborn's brain is very resilient and a lot of the times, they can make it through and not even have any later neurological symptoms or deficits. So, we spoke with the neurologist again and asked him with all the recent status changes, how bad is Baby RJ's brain damage and what kind of quality of life would he have if he survived. He said best case scenario he would be the worst type of cerebral palsy; he would not be able to think, speak, see, he would require a trach and peg tube, and have severely contracted muscles. He would have no quality of life. Although we loved and still love our son with all of our hearts, if he couldn't have any quality of life and would just continue to suffer, then we knew what we needed to do. Baby RJ was strong, a lot stronger than I am, he battled for four long days in the NICU, and we couldn't let him suffer anymore. We were being selfish, we wanted him to be with us, but it just wasn't meant to be. Aura Lee and I made the most difficult decision in our lives, we chose to take him off of the ventilator and put everything in God's hands. If God wanted him to stay with us, we would take care of him the best we could. If God wanted to take him from us, then we would be ok with that. We had the priest come and baptize Baby RJ and give him his last rites. The NICU removed the breathing tube and allowed us to stay in a private room to be with him.
We got to hold Baby RJ and just love him with all of our hearts. He stayed with us for maybe an hour or so longer. During that time he looked comfortable and amazingly enough he didn't have anymore seizures. The nurses and neonatologist gave me a stethascope so I could listen to his little heart and lungs. I pronounced his death that Friday, January 27th, 2012. I literally got to hear his last breath, his last heart beat. He went peacefully. The staff let us get hand and foot prints and let us bathe him after he passed. We held him for a couple more hours before we left the hospital.
Our world had been turned upside down and instead of looking forward to loving and raising a beautiful child, we were now preparing for a funeral. At this point, we didn't even know how to act around people or how to respond to people asking what happen. We flew out to Palm Springs, CA to have Baby RJ buried there; where at least he had family that could visit him daily and other family members buried at the same cemetary. Baby RJ's body finally made it to the mortuary and this was the first time my father and Aura Lee's parents and sister got to see him. There was a lot of crying going on.
Aura Lee and I are very blessed to have family and friends that are very supportive. Thank you all for making it to Baby RJ's viewing, to the church, and the cemetary. You all have made this experience a touch easier to go through. If we haven't thanked you all, I am thanking you now.
Baby RJ is visited pretty much every day, thanks to Aura Lee's father and aunt. Baby RJ has got to have the cleanest head stone in the cemetary and the prettiest flowers. It always makes us happy when our family and friends visit our beautiful angel and send us pictures. Aura Lee and I try to visit him at least once a year, usually during the week of his birthday and memorial anniversary. Many of you have joined us during the last two years celebrating his life and memory. Aura Lee and her family have this superstition that Baby RJ is a Monarch butterfly that visits us when we are at the cemetary. Her parents don't see the butterflies out there all the time when they visit, but when Aura Lee and I visit, there is always a butterfly around us and we always say "look, there's RJ visiting us".
Thank you again, to all of those who have prayed and supported us during our time of need.